OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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