her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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