Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
