dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
