Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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