I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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