Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
