Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
