After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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