Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
