Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
