We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
