I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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