if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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