One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
