where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
