he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
