just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
