i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
