I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
