these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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