You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
