i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
