do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
