im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
