I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
