I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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