I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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