at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I want a musical about memes.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
