I puked a lego.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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