it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
