Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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