i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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