well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
