Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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