sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
