Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
