If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
