oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
