i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
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