He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
