I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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