I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
