Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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