Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
