I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
