Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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