Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
