apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
