omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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