There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
