Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
