Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
